However when I started as a brand new nurse I felt the same way-like I might accidentally kill somebody or mess up a medication or both.
I actually had a dream that I had a patient, pregnant with triplets, who died after seeing me in clinic. Talk about
Since starting my job at a cancer clinic in November, I'm learning TONS and getting better everyday. But there are some things that I just can't wait to go away.
Like,
- Whenever my manager calls me and I think I did something wrong.
- Whenever another provider calls me and I think I did something wrong.
- Whenever I see a patient and I ask questions from a physician because I'm afraid of doing something wrong.
- Being afraid to ask questions because I don't want people to think I'm stupid.
- Second guessing the majority of my decisions.
- Staring at the screen for several minutes before signing any prescription.
- Having a patient at the end of the visit say, "Do I get to see the doctor now?" (umm..YOU JUST DID).
Everyone there is so nice and welcoming and they genuinely seem happy to have me there. And I'm starting this Survivorship program-to outline long term follow up care for our cancer survivors. I actually had to start digging up old notes from grad school to help outline my implementation and research for this program-knowing that something from grad school (my seminar courses & DNP project stuff) is actually something I'm using now makes me want to die! But it's nice to have a project where I can sort of prove myself and build in my own special role in the clinic at the same time.
Mainly it's hard to believe I've woken up at 5:30 in the morning 5 days a week for the past 2 months.
a major milestone will be having enough PTO to go on vacation. To get paid while on vacay!
Thats a lot of pressure! You'll get more comfortable as you go though.
ReplyDeleteEvery time my boss calls me or wants to meet w/ my I always think I did something wrong. It is the worst feeling. Not sure why we do that! I hope things continue to get better for you each week at work!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you. I'm a spaz and I'm not even dealing with people's lives. Just they're money. But OMG it's stressful! I'm not sure what about this job and making mistakes makes me so much more scared than any other job I've ever held.
ReplyDeleteI have had nightmares that my boss didn't read my brief thoroughly enough and that I'm misapplying the law (or just making things up) and then she goes to argue it in front of the judge and gets ripped apart and it scares the pants off me.
I think it's because I think of lawyers as being adults.
their*
ReplyDeleteit's friday.
Congratulations Syndal! Keep rocking it without second-guessing yourself : ). Listen to your gut and have more faith b/c if you want to become perfect and the best dang nurse, you'll have to keep practicing and studying. I can't wait to go to to grad school myself (tho in a different field) and see where that takes me.
ReplyDeleteYou go girl! xo, Annie (http://www.therantinglatina.com)
I can't say for sure, but I feel like people in most professions have some of those feeling - heck, I know I do - granted, I am obviously not dealing with people's lives so I'm sure your stress is about a million times more than mine - but just believe in yourself, you are there for a reason! They hired YOU because you are capable of what you need to be doing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I flipping LOVE the NP I see and always request to see her specifically, I would never see her and then ask "Do I get to see the Dr now?" What the hell? Haha!
Keep on rockin - you are one amazing lady! :)
You seriously impress me so much with how smart you are. You totally got this. And how exactly did you not punch the person who asked if they could see the doctor now??!? Maybe you should start wearing your hair in a silver old lady bun. Everyone respects old ladies. ;) Just kidding. Stay exactly the way you are. You're awesome. Good luck with all the stuff coming up.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way sometimes. But it sounds like your job is pretty high-pressure! But congrats on your so-far success and best wishes for the future- you'll be great!
ReplyDeleteI am so surrounded by smart people! I seriously am in awe! (I am a college drop out! Don't think bad thoughts about me! LOL.) Anyway, i have several nurse friends that i admire SO MUCH, and i feel the same about you now. They are RN's. I also know i've told you this before but i LOVE the nurses at my obgyn & metabolic clinic - and my obgyn is who referred me to the NP at the Metabolic Clinic. She is so sweet & i would never see anyone else! :)
ReplyDeleteI get SO STRESSED at my job sometimes, which sounds foolish compared to someone in the medical field! :) Praying it gets easier for you & I know it will! It will just take some time!
Btw, i am merely a secretary but i do get paid vacation. And it's pretty awesome. :)
Any new job has that type of stress (did I do anything wrong?) But I'm sure with your job, the stress must be greater. At the same time, you *earned* this job because you did all the education and practicum required :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure in a few months you will feel a lot more comfortable. And in a few years, you'll be a pro comforting the new nurse practitioner knowing how he/she feels.
Stephanie
http://sharelovealways.blogspot.ca/
You will get better with time, for sure. You know more than you give yourself credit for. Confidence will come. As for asking if they're going to get to see the doctor now, how annoying, but I know something that NP's deal with all the time. Speaking of, just wondering, do you introduce yourself as Dr. Ortman? Do the other people in the office call you Dr. Ortman?
ReplyDeleteI know the fear about every time your boss calls that you think you did something wrong. Worst feeling ever--especially if they're just calling to ask a question or something totally unrelated. I am sure you're awesome though!! :)
ReplyDelete